Saturday, September 16, 2006

empty sentiments


This blog has been a mixture of feelings and tecnical stuffs that sometimes I cannot identify what really is the purpose of this writings of mine. It was 7 pm in the evening, and I was walking below the Jurong MRT lane..it was dark already and I was watching the myriad of lights around Singapore. This was the same view for 5 months now ...the same lights..the same air..that I always encounter whenever I am going home from the office.

I am not sure that it is just maybe of my sensitiveness or is it just the feeling..that in a far country like this, you always feel alone...even if you find friends and people you meet everyday...there are times that you feel empty. I tried in going to places like Orchard just to kill time and relax..but I found nothing. The emptiness in me feels worst instead.

Is it the place or is it just me.....I have to admit that I am not used to of being alone back in Philippines..in the office even at home. I am always the lively one, the funny one, the noisy and sometimes the life of the group. But here, it seems being alone is part of being here....if you work hard, then you have to be alone....you have to focus....and forget being with the group.

But yeah.. I know being able to work here is a privilege...that many Filipinos like me have dreamed of. To be able to earn enough money which you can share with everyone back in Philippines. Being here..makes me a hero..a real hero not to the government, but to the eyes of my family and friends. Everyone is proud of you and will always mention your name on their conversation.

But have you tried asking yourself....are all your efforts being appreciated? what if time will come that you have to go home..no more job here. You go home, without a job.....then you find everyone expecting so much on you.

You have no choice but to repeat the same cycle again, find another job overseas and experience of being far away again or you will choose to start from scratch and stay in our country.So many questions I have in my mind..but yet answers may not be as clear as I expected them to be...

Hmmmm..as of now, I have to enjoy myself watching the rain.....if possible count every droplets that falls from the sky.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

kahilakon man sad ta ana tian uy....

Maria Marien said...

I can definitely relate with this feeling...

Tan Teck Wei said...

cheebai! cockroach! farking peenoise! go back to your cockroach country!!!